Am I Being Selfish?

My journey to self-discovery ……. Buhahahahahahaha!  * Catches breath from laughing so hard* Sorry guys, I could barely say that with a straight face.  No “self-discovery” here – just plain ol’ living and trying to learn how to live as less of a witch with a “b” and more as the person I’m supposed to be who is, well, less of a witch with a “b”.  Though, with anything that you are trying to fix, the first step is to discover what the cause of the issue(s) is/are and go from there.  However, if I were to list my “issues” … well, let’s just say the list would take about a year to read.

We’re flawed, massively.  Yes, every…single…one of us.  We’re just flawed in different ways; we’re human after all – not claiming to be God here.  But instead of listing all my flaws and trying to tackle each one at once, I’m choosing to pick on the most glaring, giant, looming one and deal with it first.  Imagine this giant, black, purple, and lime green monster with whirling fumes of toxic gas that randomly burst into flames now and then.  Then imagine it ominously staring down at your little 3 cm self (in his eyes) with your tiny pin (your sword)  … it’s a tad comical to him, I’m sure.  That’s what it felt like when I first thought about tackling this “flaw” of mine; overwhelmed and clueless on where to start.  Here you stand, with your “pin” against this now belly-laughing monster with spontaneously bursting gas wings… laughing…at you.  The mere thought of you attacking it is enough to kill it, from laughter.  Hmmm… maybe I should go with that approach (…if only). 

Needless to say, it realistically is not a giant gas monster, but selfishness; which is just about as ugly.  There is a fine line between being concerned about yourself and only being concerned about yourself.  When we tend to lean more toward only being concerned about ourselves, ugly little minion companions emerge; ones like “lack of compassion”, “lack of respect for others”, a “victims mentality”, the ability to give excuses to not ever do what you don’t want to do despite other’s thoughts or feelings, and though there are more, one final one is draining those around you in order to build yourself up.  You are your only concern, never caring how you hurt someone, or if you even hurt them.  This type of mentality can lead to destroyed relationships, an undeserved bloated ego, excessive pride, or severe depression (when your “needs” are not met).  Selfishness can lead to laziness as you are willing to only do what makes you comfortable. 

I’m not saying that to not be selfish you have to constantly care about everyone you meet or see on TV, that you have to be consistently uncomfortable or attend every gathering your friends/family set up; but I am saying that to not be selfish is to sometimes sacrifice your own selfish desires every now and then for the sake of those around you; your loved ones, your friends and your family.  To not be selfish is also to learn to take those “inconveniencies” and let them roll; let them roll to your desk top so you can slowly analyze and respond appropriately and respectfully instead of with a hot-head.  (Candid moment:  This is one of my bigger weak spots). 

A solution to being a selfless person – there is an answer, one that I’m still seeking though.  I know that I need to be more selfless, more helpful, more concerned about the feelings and thoughts of those around me instead of brushing them off merely because they do not match my own feelings/thoughts on that particular matter.  I know that as a Christian, I need to show them Christ’s love – sorry, I probably won’t die on a cross for you, that’s too scary – but despite how you may come off, or what you may be going through and then how you are handling it, I do promise to try and not judge you for I don’t know your story.  I promise to look for how God would want me to show His love to you; how to show you that I honestly care about you, that even if you don’t agree with my way of thinking, that I will not think any less of you and it will not keep you from having a relationship with me.  A relationship of friendship, familial, camaraderie, as co-workers, or if I just met you today – I promise to strive to be a better, less selfish, more selfless person who gets out of her own way and her own head to stand up and be there for those around her; the people whom God placed in her life.