The Endless Search for Balance

A lot of "help" blogs are truly helpful; filled to the brim with ideas and thoughts that hit your core ... this is not one of those blogs.  This particular post is going to be about how much I truly do not know what to do.

In August (of 2016) I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  I thankfully do not have all the potential symptoms; I still sleep relatively well... but I do have the chronic pain and "fibro fog" (troubles focusing and/or recalling things).  The pain increases in the winter, I have come to find, and it has made anything remotely resembling motivation to move ... practically invisible.  This is where my husband fills in.

One night, for example, we went grocery shopping at Costco.  We were not there terribly long, just picked up a few necessities and then tottered back home.  Unfortunately, as soon as I walked through the doors into Costco, the crisp warm from the brisk cold, a bad headache set in, followed by joint pain and then by the end of our trip, nausea.  We loaded up my car and drove home where I was supposed to then start on dinner .... I ended up starting a hot bath instead where I proceeded to soak for a good 30 minutes or so.  The pain and nausea finally dulled to a manageable roar, at least to the point where I could go and work on dinner, but my husband had already started it.

I went to work Tuesday night and got back around 8:30pm to find a freshly shampooed carpet and clean kitchen.  Dinner wasn't made but he bought us pizza.

Last night I was having a particularly rough "pain and brain" day and didn't leave the couch much the entire day.  It was my turn to make dinner but once again my husband stepped up and cleaned the kitchen and made us dinner.

My husband is one of those odd finds, and one I'm so glad came into my view.  He spoils me by taking me out to dinner every single week, he buys me random gifts, trinkets and flowers, he cleans the house and cleans the kitchen 90% of the time.  He gets me my dinner and brings me things to drink, he fixes things around the house and plays with the dogs; all the while, I'm sitting on the couch playing video games trying to ignore the pulsating pain in my body and/or begging my headache that I've had for 2 months straight to just leave already.

My husband takes care of me, in every sense of the word and here is where I fail - I haven't a clue on how to even begin showing him how much I appreciate him, how much I adore him or how much he means to me.  Trust me, I tell him constantly.  I tell him how I would help more if I wasn't in so much pain and he says he understands but you can tell it's wearing on him.

So, finding that balance is where I'm going to start.  I'm still continuing my research on Fibromyalgia and applying my "natural health" skills for treatment.  But this is my first real painful winter and I have not found that balance where I can help around the house more without feeling like I'm being crushed by a train.

I guess this post is more to show that if you have a disease that is chronic and painful and you're finding yourself "failing at life" like I am ... don't lose heart.  We are still working out the kinks, we are still searching for the balance and we can't lose heart ... we will find it!