Calm During Calmity

The sound of waves crashing into the rocky cliff followed by its gentle pull back through the sand.  Feeling the gentle, cool breeze against my rosed cheeks and nose.  Closing my eyes to focus on the scent of the ocean, sand and flora - committing it to memory, this moment of peace.

The Oregon coast has been a “happy place” for me the entirety of my life.   Every chance I had to go to the coast, I took it.  The coast rarely disappointed me in my search for calm when life took a cataclysmic turn.

Peace; that sense of security and calm no matter what situation we’re in.  It’s knowing that despite all that is occurring around us, peace is there to keep us grounded and safe.  Peace is God. (1 Corinthians 14:33; Philippians 4:6-7; Isaiah 56:10)  And if God is peace (John 14:27), and also our strength, the One whom our faith lies, and the One who loves us, then are we not going to be just fine?  Are we not going to be alright? (Psalm 121)  Answer: Yes!  Abundantly so, yes! 

Peace brings joy (Proverbs 12:20).  But, like all things, we must work to have this peace.  We must plan to have peace.  Peace is not a simplistic feeling to obtain, yet it presents itself so simplistically.  We are granted peace when our minds stay on Christ, when we focus on Him (Isiah 26:3-4).  Sometimes He stops us in our tracks when we’re panicking about something in our lives, brings us to our knees and says, “I’ve got this.”  What PEACE that brings knowing that what we’re going through WE ARE NOT GOING THROUGH ALONE!  There are others, too, who are searching for peace and as the body of Christ, we are called to work together in peace for His good (Romans 8:28; 14:19). 

With this newfound peace, we are called to stay calm for we have claimed Christ as our Lord and the leader of our hearts (Colossians 3:15).  We are called to help our neighbor, to help those who are in need and those whom we are able to help (Galatians 6:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:15).  Though it is easier “said-then-done”, sometimes it may feel that no matter what we do, it is either wrong or just never quite enough, but brothers and sisters, don’t lose heart!  Sometimes a seed is planted where a sprout will turn to bloom and our eyes may never see.  We are not called to see His work, but to do His work and to trust in Him - show peace to those around us so that they may see Him. 

When we buy that extra pack of toilet paper and give it to our neighbor who has none, that is showing peace.  It’s showing that you have peace in your hearts because our trust and faith are safe and secure in Christ Jesus (Hebrews 12:14).  We know that deep down, God is taking care of us and will always take care of us.  Maybe He cares for our needs in a way that we may deem unconventional, but our basic needs are still met, are they not? 

God knew that this calamity, this pandemic was coming and He prepared for it.  He prepared His people, His children to be His bright, shining beacon of hope and peace in a world that is crumbling under the darkness of fear and panic.

So, let’s buck up buttercups and shine bright in the name of our Lord and Savior!  Let’s help those in need, let’s be His servants, let’s “wash those feet”, let’s think of others first and above all else, let us be like Christ.

Go and share the love of Christ today!

Powerhouse Weakness

2 Corinthians 12:9-11 New International Version (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delightin weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Arguments galore, “jokes” taken personally, little things defeated me ... I’d hit the bitter bottom and when asked why, I couldn’t honestly tell you. I had no clue why I felt so utterly useless, worthless and like a downright failure.  I felt I had failed at being a good employee, a wife, daughter/granddaughter, sister and friend. Shoot, I felt I had failed at being a human ... everything I touched seemed to turn to mud and nothing made it better. I had failed at life and I was ready to just sit in my pitty puddle and wade with the ducks. 

But then I realized:

I’d been given some new projects at work that required a new idea and mindset in the world of design.  I’m a self-taught graphic designer and still very much a newbie - I felt entirely inadequate for these jobs yet I know my employers have full faith in me. 

The cleanliness of my home is a CONSTANT battle (especially with three dogs - but man do we love our “girls”)  I felt a wife should always have a clean home, laundry done and dinner in the table by the time he gets home ( I was raised Old-School and I actually enjoy doing those things ... when I’m not exhausted)... but I rarely have the energy or motivation to stay on top of the things like I wish I could.

“Would you want to hang out?” .... no, thanks; I hear my couch and a long nap calling my name. Shouldn’t I be spending more time with my friends so that they don’t start to think I dislike them? 

Should I eat that third sugar cookie, loaded with frosting? No! Am I going to anyways? Duh. Self-control is for the weak ........like me.  Man, I want to be better but MAN do I love food and HATE sweating.  That and I have chronic pain so that kind of kills motivation. 

But God never lets me sulks for long ... ever. Lol. No long pitty puddle parties for me - no! He keeps reminding me that I’m special, especially made, and exceptionally created for His purpose and only I can accomplish what He set forth for me. 

This doesn’t mean I don’t struggle; this doesn’t mean I don’t have to continuously remind myself that it’s only through His strength that’ll I’m accomplish what I need to and more. This means that I have something to remind myself with; remind myself that I’m not tackling this life, these changes, alone.  I have His strength supporting me, hands behind me, ready to catch me when I inevitably fail, only to lift me back to my feet so I can just try, try again.  

Don’t give up because it’s difficult - just put your trust in someone outside yourself, someone who holds ALL the strength. 

Cheerleaders for the Defeated

Chronic nausea, chronic fatigue, chronic pain (aka fibromyalgia), anxiety disorder, stomach issues, and back pain ... also add that I need to constantly wear glasses now (aka the cherry on top this crappy cake) and you've got me in a nutshell.

All these little factoids can get rather depressing at an alarming rate and sadly, it has.  It's frustrating when you try to work out and can't because you can hardly tolerate sitting, let alone do squats or go for a walk.  It's difficult to make a healthy dinner when your nausea makes you want to do nothing but lay down and close your eyes - willing you internal organs to stop hosting this circus of flips and flops.  Need to vacuum?  Have guests coming in an hour?  Still need to bake that casserole?  Hmm... now seems the perfect time to get a migraine. 

As soon as I would find the motivation to move, progress, clean, cook ... anything... something would "malfunction" and I would be down for the count.  I have, however, gotten pretty good at cell phone games ... as if that is something to be proud of.

This morning, after yet another doctor's appointment, I found out that I need to change my lifestyle even more to help cope with my chronic developments and work with physical therapy to help heal my back.  Utter defeat was all I felt and wasn't thrilled with the fact that I was starting my week this way ... so once to work, I pop on Pandora and rummage through my emails when I hear, "I'm gonna cheer you on!" [Cheer You On by Jordan Feliz]  *ears perk up*  "What?  I'm gonna cheer you on...? Oh yeah; I'm not doing this alone."

2 Corinthians 4:8 reads, "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair..."

Why?  Because God is with me; He's with me while I struggle with this crumbling brick building of a body.  He's with me while I struggle and complain about the pain and discomfort.  He's with me when I strive, so hard, to be positive; to remember that these "ailments" will not take me down but rather just mildly slow me down while I strive for physical and mental strength.

God is my strength!  He is my powerhouse.  He is my hope and HE is the reason why I know that this feeling of despair will not last forever -- He's cheering me on!

Try, Try, Trying Again

Notes, you can find them on my monitor, on my desk, on my bulletin boards, in a variety of journals, in my phone... I have notes everywhere because I have the memory of a gold fish (or as an old acquaintance once lovingly put it, a bubbly-eyed goldfish).  I keep all the notes because I don't want to forget them - problem - I have too many and forget what I wrote, where.

But, once and in a while, I'll open an old blog, or a long-since forgotten journal or a note tucked, deep into the depths of my desk, read and think, "I need to remember that."

Well... that happened today.  I was reading through an old blog about how I was going to tackle one of my flaws and now it being ten months since then, reflected to see if I had changed the way I said I would.  Thankfully, I had improved on that particular flaw, but it is by no means resolved.  But it got me thinking ---

We all have times where we find something about ourselves that we want to change, start the process, sputter, start the process again, sputter harder, and then inevitability quit...

Despite all that, sometimes we still keep try, try, trying again.  We may take six steps back to every three steps forward, but hey, it used to be ten steps back to every two steps forward - progress is progress. 

We all have a ways to go on the things that we challenge to improve about ourselves (well, most of us [cough, cough] ... me) but there's one thing my husband tells me that makes him proud of me and that is that I never give-up trying.  I have tried fixing my temper, failed, but keep trying.  I have tried to lose weight, failed, but then try again.  I have tried being selfless, failed, but keep trying. 

I have failed, but I get back up and try again.

It's been a huge blessing to hear from some peers that some of the things I've been working on are starting show results (20 years later).  I got to this point because of the fact that sometime, long ago, I decided to start trying to change for the better, failed, but kept right on trying again.

If you're trying to change for the better; if you're trying to be the kind of person that you know you should be, and then fail.  PLEASE don't give up.  Change, the good kind, doesn't come easily.  It takes work; difficult, relentless, tiring work... but don't you think you're worth it?

Gaining Back Reality

At the risk of sounding quite dramatic; I do honestly feel like I am having to re-learn how to handle life in an adult-like, calm, kind and understanding manner.

Like a lot of people, I had been taking an anxiety medication for over three years  -  until a week and a half ago.  I realized that I was taking medication for a "fear" I no longer had; no longer was I having panic attacks so I felt it was time to live life "med free".

The detox process has proved to be challenging at best but it has also taught me that I have a LOT of room to grow, especially now that I'm not being medically subdued. 

1. My temper grew a tad shorter -- which, sadly, it wasn't that long to begin with.
• Solution: James 1:19  "...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."
• Solution:  Mark 12:30-31  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this:  'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  There is no commandment greater than these."
2. I allow things to defeat me easily.
• Solution:  Isiah 35:4  "Say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come and save you.'"
3. I worry about the lives of EVERYONE around me and allow it to break me.
• Solution: Romans 8:28  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
• Solution:  Matthew 7:3-5  "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
• Solution:  Matthew 6:34  "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Today has enough trouble of its own."

I have never claimed to be perfect, but you cannot say that I never try to be better.  We're humans, as the phrase goes, which means we're not perfect, we make mistakes, we lose our tempers, we say and do the wrong things and we always will until we get to spend eternity with our Savior.  Sin is in this world and it will tempt us, but thankfully we have a God who is forgiving. 

Colossians 3:13  "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  

It will take some time and a lot of grace from those around me as I work on re-learning how to live a God-fearing life among the world today and the struggles I deal with on a daily basis with the help of my medication, but I also know that through Him, all things are possible.

Blocking Grace

On my way to work this morning, I noticed the most beautiful sunrise.  There is something to be said for the arctic temperatures we're experiencing - it can create the most breathtaking scenes.  The hazy orange sphere was starting to peek over the city's horizon, cool gray clouds being pushed out of the way except for one, particularly dark gray cloud which blocked the light.  Below this blockade were the soft glow of oranges and yellows but then immediately a dark mass keeping the light low and hidden; or so it thought, for if you looked above the mass, reflecting off the soft white rolls of the clouds above, was the same gentle yellows and golden orange glows that shown below.  These rays were spread wide over the sky above and that's what got me thinking - God's grace works this way too.

For those of us who have released our selfishness and allowed God in our lives, we started by the source, that warm glow of God's love and grace that He gives to all His children.  Then something blocks us from that love, that grace that He willingly provides - or so we think.  It's dark and ominous and in the midst of it, we cannot see even a hint of light.  All hope seems lost as we wander around wishing there was a way around or through this chaos we've found ourselves in.  But we need to remember that our vision is limited to only what we can see; He sees FAR more than we do.  Like the sunrise I saw this morning, His grace is still there, His love is still there, it's just being blocked by this cloud of chaos and it's distorting our vision. 

God hasn't abandoned you while you're in your greatest time of need, He's right there, shining through, we just can't always see it.  So when you're in the middle of a crisis or going through something in your life where you feel God has blocked His grace and His love for you and left you to fend for yourself, remember that simply letting go, stepping back and resting in Him, we can once again see His grace and love shining above and far beyond anything we could ever hope to imagine.

Who is God and Why Should I Care?

We’re going to kick off the year with a nice, simple topic: Who is God and Why Should I Care?

Wait ...  That’s not simple.  What did I get myself into?
Oh well, too late now.  :)

Who is God?  I can tell you who He isn’t; He isn’t cruel, He isn’t spiteful, He isn’t selfish, He isn’t impatient, nor is He unkind or unjust. (Despite what we may think or feel sometimes)  He is, however, wise, grace-filled, mercy-filled, gentle, forgiving, never-changing, a promise keeper, and as 1 John 4:8 states, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”  His timing is perfect, His decisions are perfect, He is perfect - He is God our father, our savior, our conscience, if we choose to accept.  He is THE Father, THE Son, and THE Holy Spirit

Why Should I Care? I think to answer this question, we must first answer this:  Who Are We?  Simply put, we are sinners.  Sinners we were born and sinners we will remain.  Being a sinner means to go against God and His commandments (Exodus 20:3-17).  Thankfully God sent His one and only son down to become flesh so He could do His father’s will; to mend the relationship between God and man by shedding His own blood on the cross to cover the sins that we have committed, are committing and will commit.  So that our sins could be forgiven whenever we ask for forgiveness and repent of those sins, to never commit them again (or certainly try). Exodus 10:17, “Now therefore, forgive my sin, please, only this once, and plead with the Lord your God only to remove this death from me.” Jesus, the son of God, spilled that blood and separated Himself from the glory of his Father God for three days before He rose again to dwell in His rightful place, at the right hand of God. 

So, why should you care about who God is?  Because we, as sinners, will be separated from the glory of God, from all of who He is, for eternity; to dwell in darkness (aka hell) never to see or experience His love again ... IF we never choose Him.  If we deny Him and all He has done for us, then we will sadly experience this eternal darkness.  If we choose not to follow His lead, his vision for our lives or accept the love and the sacrifice He made all those years ago ... the consequences are absolutely devastating.

One should care about Who God Is because it means salvation and salvation is easily achieved.  He simply asks that we believe and accept Him.  We need to believe with all our being/have faith (Hebrews 11:1) that He is the son of God, that He died on the cross for our sins and that three days later He rose again.  That he later ascended into heaven to sit at the right hand of God.  He asks that we choose to accept Him as our ruler and as the Lord of our lives.  He asks that we choose to accept his love for us, that we choose to put our faith in Him, that we will trust Him to lead our lives in a way that will be far greater and more fulfilling than anything we could ever imagine or hope to achieve.

We need to get on bended knee (figuratively or not) and ask that He forgive us our sins, to remove the threat of death (the separation from His glory for an eternity) and tell Him that we surrender our lives to Him.   That we believe His Word (the Bible), that we believe what He said, what He has done for us, and that His promises will and always have been kept.