This recently occurred, and as I sat there on the floor, looking at what was "laying on the floor" in front of me, I realized that I was even more confused than I was before. I couldn't describe what was going through my mind - it's like the autobahn in there - but I knew it had a name. That's when I reached out to one of my pastors and asked for their help. In the end he helped me realize that what I was feeling had a name ... isolation.
source: https://pxhere.com/en/photo/995874
Isolation: Where you can be surrounded by people, even be talking with them, but feel no connection. I'ts standing in the middle of a circle of people who are holding hands while you're stuck wondering how you can be a part of it... but you can't. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a fighter. I'm not depressed by any means - I'm frustrated, annoyed, fed-up ... ready to move on and figure out how to fight; how to fight in a way that is healthy.
I have a creative mind; it thinks constantly, sometimes about some rather deep subjects, and mostly without prompts. My mind is a problem solver, a creative creature, an artist. I hate misunderstands as well as long explanations. I'm a lover of "short and to the point" and long bouts of silence and solitude. I enjoy friends, family and traveling as well as staying at home to write and listen to soft piano music. I can be in the present as well as miles away in just a matter of a few seconds. I'm complex and simplistic.
One thing that stays consistent - I'm rarely understood
Retreating into my thoughts has become a norm for me; to vanish into the depths of my mind where the world I have created is filled with color, brightness, joy and happiness. A world where I'm not alone, I'm understood and most of all ... accepted.
However, despite my isolation, I'm glad to know that I ALWAYS have someone beside me, who understands me, is right on the same page as me because He created me. He knows how I work because that's the way that He designed me to be. For this, I will forever be grateful for my faith and in whom my faith resides; my isolation in the mid-west feels a little less lonely knowing I can ALWAYS talk to Him, and He will understand.
